I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
