you guys were way drunker than both of me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
