obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
