That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
