Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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