I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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