i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
