sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
