Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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