I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
