It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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