I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize