and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
either way he was missing a nipple.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
