This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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