life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
