You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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