i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
