So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
