Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Michael Bay diarrhea
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
