you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
