I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
