I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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