oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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