I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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