Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
