whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
