I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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