Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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