I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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