I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
