I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
