Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
