2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
