a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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