Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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