so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
