Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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