is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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