just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
