her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
