i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
