these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
