Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
