Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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