Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hippo gnu deer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
