WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You left your phone here
Wait...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
