Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
