I want to stick my p in your. b.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sober January is a disaster.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
