he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
