i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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