He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will pee on everything he values.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
