i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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