Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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