You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
