she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
