I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize