she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
