just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
