Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
