i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
