there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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