I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
