So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
