I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
