piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
