Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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