Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
