I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im part way to drunk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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